


Around The Corner

by chocolatnoir



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Zombies, very slight barely there AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 09:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7679464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatnoir/pseuds/chocolatnoir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was dead. She was lost. The weight of a promise unfulfilled hanging between them. But even when fate gives you a hand, the rest is still up to you, and nothing is easy anymore. Not in the New World. Rick/OC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for zombies, gore, violence, language, mention of a bunch of other unsavory things. Basically all the things Walking Dead.

_Some things are destined to be -- it just takes us a couple of tries to get there_.   
― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

 

* * *

 

All around her was absolute chaos.

It struck her then that panic was possibly one of humans’ biggest frailties. There were plenty of well documented cases of mass hysteria being the direct cause of many deaths, more than the number of deaths caused by the reasons for that mass hysteria in the first place.

It was human to react to what other humans reacted, and if they reacted with panic, baser logic told us that something was wrong. The problem was the running away, the escaping. People left things behind, left people behind, ran over other people, didn’t stop for anything, didn’t stop to _think_.

She didn’t blame them. How could she?

But while she was standing there, unmoving, while surrounded by people crying, screaming, running with wild eyes looking at everything but not truly seeing, faces that once had been familiar now twisted in emotions so strong that she couldn’t tell who they were anymore, and the smoke and orange sparks from the fires flickering on the air bathing the chaos in flickering yellows, oranges and reds, she wondered how human was she really, at that moment.

Was it possible to quantify something like that?

She felt empty. A vast dark hole where her soul had once been. She had nothing to feel anymore, like a fountain dry.

No one stopped for her, no one looked at her. She didn’t mind. Perhaps something in them recognized she wasn’t as human anymore, that she wasn’t really there. The person who stood in the middle of the street surrounded by the apocalypse now, wasn’t really her. It looked like her, it had her voice, but it was a shell, devoid of meaning.

She didn’t feel anything when she saw the first walking dead staggering down the street while people screamed and screamed and _screamed_. The dead, wearing the face of a man, didn’t feel anything either. He passed by her without a flicker of interest.

Maybe it recognized in her the same thing that the living had. _Not human_.

But as the dead man moved away from her and towards a girl who was screaming for her mother, there was a tiny flicker of something inside her.

It was just a flicker but she still moved.

When the dead man was lying at her feet, truly dead, and the knife in her hand was dripping his blood on the street as the girl’s mother finally appeared and disappeared again, this time with her daughter, she had to revise her analysis.

Perhaps there was something human inside her yet.

Truth be told she didn’t want to die. She didn’t want to live either. She didn’t want anything. But perhaps that itself was reason enough to go on. Until she found something that made her want. To live. To die. Just _something_.

Taking a last look at her surroundings, she finally said goodbye to King County and disappeared into the night, never to return again.

 

* * *

 

 


	2. Around The Corner

_**______2011** _

Her hand checked her hip holster once again.

It was an automatic unconscious gesture by now, but feeling her gun where it should be gave her a measure of peace and she would take what she could get.

Her other hand tightened around the army knife held in front of her, while her eyes looked over the road, counting the number of dead roaming around without purpose. They were only four and a few feet away from each other, and since they hadn’t yet noticed her presence, they would be easy enough to take out.

Her blue eyes moved to her side, catching the dark brown gaze of her companion. She gestured silently for him to take the two on the right while she’d take the two on the left, and at his nod she stepped forward, being careful to step lightly and silently as to not draw their attention.

Best not to rile them up. It was a good rule of thumb to follow in this new world.

Four stabs on brains later and the four of them were down. She wiped her knife on the clothes of one of them with a tired sigh. Looking them over, it was easy to see that only one of them was relatively new. The other ones barely had any clothes on, much less a lot of skin. She stepped forward to check the pockets of the one who looked to be recently deceased but as she approached, she noticed his eyes and stopped, furrowing her brow.

“Hey Bob? Could you come here for a second?” She called out.

Bob moved his eyes from the street to her, before approaching, “Yeah?”

She gestured at the dead guy’s face, “Ever seen anything like it?”

Where the guy’s eyeballs had been, not much remained, but the weird thing was the blood running down his face from where his eyes had been. It was dry now but no less grotesque. Bob knelt by the dead man, looking him over but not touching him, “Either someone killed him very...creatively, or this is a disease.” He said with a sigh, “I wouldn’t touch him, just in case.”

She grimaced but nodded, Bob had been a combat medic before, so he would know better than she did, “A disease that blows out your eyeballs? Just what we needed.” She commented dryly.

The dark skinned man beside her chuckled bitterly, “The world is like a giant obstacle course now.”

Another day and she’d find his remark funny, despite the theme, but she was tired, thirsty and hungry and it felt like every bone and muscle in her body was in pain. It was a permanent thing by now.

Still, it was better now than before. She had met Bob about a month or two ago after months spent completely alone. Their first days together had been tentative and awkward, but thankfully Bob had revealed himself to be a good sort of person and they functioned well together.

It was good to have a friend again. She suspected Bob felt the same.

The sound of an engine, of all things, broke her out of her thoughts. Her wide eyes found Bob’s equally surprised eyes and they both quickly turned towards the sound. She took a step back, apprehensive to meet new people. There was no knowing what kind of people they were, the world was wild again and she had met her share of the unsavory sort, enough to make her suspicious of everyone.

Her eyes were fixed on the vehicles approaching as her hand grabbed the gun from her holster. Just in case. Bob remained unmoving. With bated breath, she watched as a motorcycle and a car approached them before stopping a few feet away from them, near the bodies of the dead on the floor.

The one exiting the car was a young man, of Asian descent from what she could tell, and to her surprise, he looked relatively clean. He held a gun in his hands, but didn’t raise it, pointing it at the ground while still looking alert, not unlike how she was standing. The guy from the motorcycle was tall, with long dark hair hiding his face and a mean looking crossbow on his back. He’d be the poster face of a bad boy if not for the unlikely poncho he had on.

She and Bob watched on as the Asian looking man asked something to the crossbow man, too low for them to be able to hear, and the latter answered as he dismounted his motorcycle before walking towards them. Her eyes followed him as he moved the crossbow from his back to his hands, looking comfortable handling it. Her hand tightened on her gun.

“Hello,” Bob said, sounding curious. She was surprised to hear him speak first but then again she’d always been slower to trust than he was. She had a feeling that he almost didn’t care anymore, even if he had been traveling with her from some time. She couldn’t blame him.

“You the ones who did this?” The crossbow man asked, kicking one of the bodies lightly.

She kept her eyes on him, “What's it to you?” She asked him wearily.

Both men looked them over silently before the same man ignored her question and instead asked, “You alone? Just you two out here?”

“Yeah.” Bob said and she shuffled on her feet nervously.

The crossbow man stepped forward a few steps before stopping, looking at her gun warily, “How long’s it been like that for?”

Bob looked at her before answering, “‘About a month or two.”

“And before that?”

Bob shrugged helplessly, “I don’t know. I was with one group and then another one after that.”

The man lowered his crossbow, “They didn’t make it? Neither one of them?” Bob simply shook his head before looking at the ground. The answer was as clear as it was sad.

Both men then looked at her, “How about you?”

She moved her eyes from one to another, before answering, “I was alone, then had a group and then was alone again for a good while.”

“Didn’t make it either?”

Her jaw tightened, but she answered anyway, “Don’t know. Didn’t stick around enough time to find out.”

Silence was her answer before it was the Asian man’s turn with questions, “What’s your name?”

“Bob Stookey,” her companion offered.

“Emma Morse,” she said tightly. The men nodded but didn’t offer their names.

“You people have a camp?” Bob asked a bit more lively. The men looked at each other wearily which in turn made her more anxious. Bob was taking their presence in good faith, but she was a lot more cautious, especially because they were men, and if men could be monsters while there was law and law enforcers, they were much worse when there was nothing holding them back.

Despite the weary look the two men exchanged at Bob’s question and despite not answering it at all, the crossbow guy’s next questions seemed to hold a different intent. “How many walkers have you killed?” She assumed that by walkers, he meant the dead. It was a fitting name.

“Haven’t kept count. A couple dozen.” Bob said before the man turned his eyes to her, “You?”

“Don’t know. Too many to keep count.”

“How many people have you killed?” Was his next question and she could see both of them looking even more intent now.

Bob was first to answer again, “Only one.”

When three pairs of eyes turned to her, she answered reluctantly, “Five.”

She could see the Asian guy eyeing her gun before the crossbow man looked at Bob again, “Why?”

His answer was rather sullen, “She asked me to.” It was the first time that she was hearing this from Bob. They hadn’t exactly had many heart-to-heart conversations about what they had done after the world went to shit. It was clear that no one in this world was clean anymore, as it were.

Accepting his answer, the men then looked at her. She kept her eyes on the crossbow wielding man, doing her best to mask her nervousness, “Two were mercy kills. Two others were to protect myself and the other one was to protect someone else.”

Silence fell between them again, as the men seemed to take in their answers and ponder something, until one of them asked, “Want to come with us?”

Bob shuffled on his feet before meeting her eyes briefly, something like hope shining in his dark gaze and she knew his answer before he said it, “Yes.”

The crossbow man stepped forward again, stopping in front of them both, “You got any question for us?”

“No,” Bob answered at the same time that she said, “Yes.”

There was a flicker of emotion on the crossbow man’s face but she wasn’t familiar enough with him to identify what it was exactly, maybe amusement? She wasn’t sure. “What are your questions?”

“Your names. Where is your camp? How many people? Do you have food and water? What about protection?” She asked firmly, looking at them with a determined expression.

At this the Asian man put his gun back into his belt and the crossbow man nodded and answered her questions, “I’m Daryl, that’s Glenn. Our camp is a few miles away. Not sure about the exact number, ‘bout 40 or 50, includin’ women and kids. Yes and yes.”

She searched for any trace of lie in his eyes but he seemed honest enough. If all he had said was true, it wasn’t just any camp, not with more than 40 people, women and children included. It was a community. And to see children surviving in this new world would be something else… She couldn’t deny her longing for some peace. To eat something decent again, to sleep without fearing the sounds in the night. Maybe to gain a purpose again.

She relaxed some, looking over to Bob and giving him a nod. At that, he put his machete back into his belt, “We’ll go with you, thank you.” He said finally, ever polite.

She put the gun safety on again and put it in her holster, catching Daryl’s eyes following her movement, “You a cop?” He asked her, gesturing to her holster.

She exhaled slowly and shook her head, “No.”

“You took that from a cop?” The true question was clear despite the words used.

“No, I did not _kill_ a cop and stole it from him. It was my boyfriend’s.” She said with a slight glare.

He looked at her silently for a moment before swinging his crossbow to his back again and patting the truck as he walked by, “Hop on the back, then.”

* * *

  
The trip didn’t take long, about 20 minutes or so, and while Bob was content to rest his back against the cabin of the truck, she preferred to sit towards the front so she could see where they were going.

Needless to say that her jaw pretty much dropped when they neared what was undoubtedly their camp. Only it wasn’t a camp. It was a prison.

“Holy shit.” She whispered breathlessly, taking in the fences around the building, the gates, the tower with a guard and how someone had been quick to open the gate just as they approached. She heard Bob laugh in disbelief after he turned and looked at what she was so amazed about. They looked at each other with unabashed amazement on their faces.

Already inside the fences, they both exited the truck and Emma slowly approached Daryl’s motorcycle as she spotted something that made her even more astonished than she already was. “Is that a garden? Are those _animals_?” She asked with wide eyes.

Daryl approached her after parking his motorcycle, “Hell yeah. We been growin’ vegetables and shit for a while. And we got some pigs and a couple of horses too.”

“Holy shit,” She repeated as she raised her hands to her face, not sure how to take in this little world these people had managed to make here. “Just...wow.”

“Yeah.” Daryl said simply and walked away towards the truck. Not a man of many words, it was pretty clear.

She looked over the garden again and then her eyes moved towards the building, watching as a few men and women walked around peacefully. She saw two or three people by the fences on the other side, killing the dead that were piling up there and she was distracted again as she saw some kids running around, clearly playing with each other. She gulped down the emotion that threatened to take over her. They were living here, people were actually _living_ here, not just surviving. How amazing was that?

It looked like a well organized community, in which protection was clearly an important concern, as it should, but where that didn’t detract from living relatively easy. It was the most astonishing thing she had seen after the world changed. No doubt they had some people with a great head on their shoulders to make this happen.

“Hey Carl, I got some sh- I mean things for lil’ ass kicker. You gonna have to wash them well first.”

“Awesome! Thanks Daryl.”

Her head turned towards them at the familiar name. It was instinctive, more than anything, but when her eyes fell on the young man that was taking a white plastic bag from Daryl’s hands, she almost forgot to breathe.

_Impossible…_ It was impossible, right? There was just no way…

But the more she looked, the more she found the familiar lines of the face of the little boy that she had known. Time seemed to slow down, the moment taking an eternity. The pounding of her heart made the other sounds completely disappear as she took an unsteady step towards the men beside the truck, eyes taking in everything she could from the face she was focused on.

“Carl?” She said, finally, but her voice came out so broken that nobody but Daryl heard her. He tensed up and looked behind him in her direction but she wasn’t looking at him.

“Carl?” She tried again, louder, and the boy finally turned his face towards her.

_It’s him, it really is him._

He looked at her and she saw his eyes widening in realization and surprise, “Emma?” He asked in disbelief.

“Oh god.” She breathed as she felt her eyes starting to water and she walked further in his direction, “You’re alive! You’re here!”

And he was suddenly there, thin arms hugging her tightly as she did the same, gathering him in her arms and whispering in disbelief. “I can’t believe it’s you!”

He sniffed, head in her neck and her heart almost broke, knowing she wasn’t alone in missing the other. “We all thought you were dead. You didn’t come back…” He told her.

She tightened her arms around him for a few seconds more before letting him go, wiping the tears that had slipped from her eyes before wiping his, letting her hands linger on his cheeks while she marveled at how grown up he was, “I’m sorry. I tried to meet with you but there was just too much confusion at the time. It was impossible. I still went back but there was barely anyone there so I left, it wasn’t safe.” She told him. It wasn’t the complete truth, but it was no lie and it wasn’t something that she was ready to speak to him about. He was still pretty young, after all.

He nodded, eyes taking in her features as well before giving her a bright smile, “I can barely believe Daryl and Glenn found you...I’m so happy you’re here!”

She grinned back at him, “Oh honey, so am I. You’re so grown up, look at you! So handsome!”

She hugged him tightly again, having difficulty believing her luck, “I missed you so much, little man. Love you,” she whispered in his ear so only he could hear.

“Love you too, Em,” Carl said, voice sounding muffled from the way he was tucked in her neck. She lifted her head after a moment, breathing deeply from the emotion and saw the men beside the truck all wearing surprised smiles on their faces. Well, except Daryl.

“You know each other then?” Daryl asked nonchalantly, holding the bag that he had been giving Carl moments before.

Moving away from her embrace, but keeping one of his skinny arms around her waist, Carl turned to them with a wide smile, tears quickly forgotten in lieu of this happy surprise, “Yeah, we do.”

Daryl looked at her contemplatively but said nothing else. Meeting Bob’s smiling face, she stepped forward, slinging one of her arms on Carl’s shoulders and pulling him along, “Carl, this is Bob. He’s been traveling with me for some time.” She introduced him, “Bob, this is Carl, the adorable kid I told you about.”

Bob gave him a friendly smile as Carl offered his hand to shake, “Glad to meet you, young man. I think this may be the best day of our lives since all of this started. Certainly Emma’s.”

She let out a small laugh, looking at Carl as he nodded towards Bob, before she dropped kiss on his head, taller now than what she was used to, but closer to her height, “Definitely.”

Carl took her presence in stride, and she briefly wondered if that was as a result of this new world or if he still had some childlike wonder in his soul. Hoping for the latter, she let him drag her towards the prison, holding her hand tightly in his. “I’ll introduce you to everyone, but you’re probably hungry, so maybe you should eat something first. Bob too. Then maybe you can shower.” He told her. His voice was changing, he was a teenager now, but it was still strange to her.

“You have showers here?” She asked still in amazement.

He gave her a grin, “Yes. Awesome, right? I’ll take you there, after you eat.”

She nodded, a smile still on her face, torn between looking at the place around her and at the young man leading her towards food. “Thank you Carl, this is so unbelievable. You have an amazing place here. And a prison….that’s brilliant.”

“Yeah, we’ve been here for a few months. It’s been good.” He confirmed, sounding almost business like, something that she wasn’t used to hearing from him in the least. It was no wonder though, it had been more than a year since they had last seen each other, and even ignoring the state of the world now, he was around that age when kids grew up very quickly. It was something that she would have to get used to. And she was more than happy to do so.

“I’m glad. I’m glad you’re alright, after everything.” She tightened the hand holding his momentarily, thinking not only of the state of the world but also about Rick.

He sent her a smile, though this one held a certain bittersweet quality to it, before he turned and continued leading her towards one of the prison buildings. They passed some people on their way. Most of them greeted Carl and stared at her. It was strange to have so many people looking at her again. She’d been alone for so long, and only with Bob after, that she wasn’t used to this kind of scrutiny anymore. To be honest, it made her a bit nervous. But Carl was completely relaxed in this environment, so she took the cue from him and nodded to everyone that greeted her as well, albeit a bit tentatively.

They stepped inside the building and Emma had to blink for a bit so her eyes could get used to the lack of direct sun. After, she could only look around her in amazement. It wasn’t homey, so to speak, it was a prison after all, but it looked lived in and it made all the difference. There was even soft music playing somewhere.

It was surreal. It was the best thing she had ever seen.

She followed Carl to what looked like a kitchen and after getting told to sit down and relax, she did so. While Carl seemed to look around the kitchen looking for things with a familiarity that indicated he was used to being here and helping out the people who cooked, she finally took her backpack from her back and placed it on the ground by her legs, relieved to know that the tell-tale sign of its weightlessness was no longer so worrying.

Someone walked in the kitchen and she turned to see Bob stepping in. “Bob! Shit, I’m sorry, I left you behind, I just…” She blurted out, feeling guilty. After seeing Carl, Bob’s presence had mostly slipped her mind completely.

He raised his hands in a pacifying gesture with a pleasant smile still on his face, “Don’t worry Emma, I completely understand, and I really don’t blame you.”

She send him a relieved smile, “Thanks. I am still sorry though.”

While Bob sat down beside her, taking off his own backpack and taking in the place, she focused on Carl. “Do you want help, Carl?” She asked him as she saw him grabbing two plates.

“Nah, I got it.” He told her without turning around, concentrated on his task. It made her smile, feeling both proud and sad to see him so grown up. The world had no doubt made him mature much quicker than it should have, but she was happy to see him so well adjusted. Despite everything.

After a few minutes, both Emma and Bob were looking at the soup in front of them as if they couldn’t quite believe it. Emma looked up to see amusement in Carl’s face, but also understanding. “Eat it while it’s still warm. Just eat it slowly, trust me.”

Earning a grateful smile from her, she grabbed the spoon he had given her, feeling completely out of her depth while holding it. How long had it been since she last held a spoon? Her hand was shaking slightly as she drank her first spoonful of soup, and while the shaking made her feel some measure of embarrassment, it was all but forgotten once she tasted the soup.

It was divine.

She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the warm soup settling on her empty stomach and marveling at the sensation. Opening her eyes she met Carl’s sympathetic smile. That made her get her bearings and she sent him a smile and a wink making him grin, before eating the rest of the amazing soup.

“Yum.”

* * *

  
After Emma and Bob were done and sated, she offered to help Carl clean the dishes. He had been reluctant at first but eventually accepted. Bob excused himself to wander around and Carl told him to ask someone to help him settle in.

The absolute normalcy of cleaning the dishes made her laugh which in turn made Carl ask her about it, “It’s just...I can’t believe I’m cleaning dishes. In a prison. A safe prison. After eating a soup. With you, even.”

Carl gave her a small smile as he dried a plate she had just finished cleaning, “Yeah, I understand. We all felt the same when we arrived here.”

She smiled back with a fanciful expression, “And to think you hated doing the dishes before.”

Carl’s affronted expression made her laugh more freely than she had in perhaps a year, “Did not! I used to do dishes with you all the time.”

She snorted, “Yeah, but we almost had to bully you for it.” Her smile fell at that.

_We._

She let out a small sigh, but didn’t mention what was on her mind yet. Instead she asked something else that had been on her mind since she saw him. “Hey, where are your mom and Shane? I haven’t seen them yet.” The words had just come out of her mouth and she could tell right away that it had been perhaps the wrong thing to say. Her heart sank at the grief in Carl’s eyes. “Carl?” She asked softly, putting a plate down on the sink and drying her hands.

He met her eyes for just a second before lowering them, “They’re dead.”

“God...” She closed her eyes against the pain. Her personal feelings for Lori and Shane aside, she had never wished them ill and she never would. They were also all that Carl had left in the world and she had been happy to think of seeing more familiar faces in this safe haven. She enveloped Carl in her arms and was glad when he went willingly, “I’m so sorry Carl. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, I’m sorry you’ve been alone.”

He raised his head and though there was some pain clear in his eyes, he wasn’t crying, “I’m not alone Emma.”

She gave him a weak smile, “I’m sure you have good friends among these people, and I’m glad you do, but…” She meant real family.

He frowned, looking puzzled for some reason that was beyond her. “No, Emma, I mean I’m really not alone. I still have dad.”

He heart all but stopped at his words.

She blinked at him and let him go when he stepped back, “Your…” She inhaled and exhaled shakily, “Honey, what do you mean you have your dad? Rick died in the hospital.” It hurt to say this out loud, even after so long, but her confusion surpassed her heartache at the moment.

Carl’s expression morphed to one of comprehension and he shook his head, “Shane told you that?” There was some steel in his voice that she had never heard before, “He lied. Dad didn’t die. Glenn met him in Atlanta and brought him to our first camp. He’s here.”

She felt as if the blood was suddenly drained out of her and she almost felt faint, even while her heart started pounding fiercely in her chest. Rick? Alive? Here? It wasn’t possible, was it? Finding not only Carl but also Rick…no one was this lucky, right?

“He’s alive?” She asked, voice barely audible, eyes wide. “He’s here?”

The smile blooming on Carl’s face gathered her attention once more and she felt hope bloom in her chest, “Yes, he is.” His head suddenly turned to the door and it was then that Emma heard the hasty steps of someone moving towards their location rapidly.

Her own eyes moved to the door just in time to see a familiar silhouette appearing against the sun outside.

The person stopped for a moment, inhaling shakily, before stepping inside and Emma was able to see for the first time in more than a year, the blue eyes of the man who held her heart.

“ _Rick_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!  
> This is my new little project! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten 'Home is Where The Heart Is' at all, and it WILL be finished!  
> As usual, this story is totally self-indulgent, but I do hope someone enjoys it :D Updates on this story will probably be slow and irregular, sorry to say!  
> Also, as you can see, I added the date 2011, because of reasonsss. I do have a little Walking Dead timeline that I did, half with the help of a timeline I saw on the net, and half my own. So just go with the flow ;)  
> That is all for now, thank you for reading and until the next chapter!


	3. Ends Meet

_**______2006** _

The first time they met was a rather uneventful affair.

It was one of those days when so many little irritating things happened all one after the other, that any patience she would otherwise have, was not present at that moment.

“Goddammit all to fucking hell. Shit.” She grumbled uncharacteristically, one hand holding the strap of her bag while the other was elbow deep inside it searching for her cell phone. Big bags were great because she could carry everything she needed, including whatever research she was neck-deep into at the moment, but finding something inside it when she most needed it was something else entirely.

And the finger where she had one of those irritating little paper cuts that hurt like hell, had just grazed the bag’s zipper. _Again_.

“Those are some ugly words for such a pretty lady.” A male voice said beside her, confident swagger clear in its tone.

She stopped her search and slowly turned her head to the person who had spoken, her eyebrows raised high. She was sure her expression was clear enough for him, whoever the hell he was. “Seriously?” She was feeling many things, but impressed was not one of them.

To her surprise, the man, with messy dark hair and even darker eyes, was clearly one of the Sheriffs around King County by the look of his clothes. Despite this, she maintained eye contact with him without saying anything else, keeping her expression of disbelief at this comment, until his confident smirk wavered and diminished.

He cleared his throat, “Uh, right...carry on.” He said at last, clearly awkward that whatever charms he thought he possessed hadn’t worked as they should.

It’s not that he wasn’t handsome - he was, but his comment had been pretty idiotic and she had no patience at the moment.

Amused laughter sounded beside the man and her eyes moved to see another Sheriff, this one with short curly dark hair and clear blue eyes. He met her eyes with a smile while he put his hat on, clearly finding his colleague’s failure at flirting with her entertaining.

“Shut up. Come on, man.” The dark eyed man grumbled underneath his breath to the man beside him, before stepping around her in the direction of the police cruiser that she had just noticed was parked a few feet away.

She was unable to keep herself from rolling her eyes at his back after he passed her by. _Classy_.

The other Sheriff still had an amused smile on his face as he addressed her, “Sorry about that. Have a good day.” And with a surprisingly charming tip of his hat, he followed his colleague.

Her eyes followed him for a moment before she resumed her search for the most illusive cell phone on the planet.

A few weeks after that, she finally learned that the men who she had dubbed in her mind as Sheriff Flirt and Sheriff Blue Eyes, were called Shane Walsh and Rick Grimes.

* * *

  _ **______2011**_

Wide blue eyes. Short beard peppered with gray hairs around a mouth that opened to breathe out her name in naked disbelief.

“Emma.”

Next thing she knew, she was enveloped in familiar arms that she had thought she would never feel around her ever again. A sob crawled out of her throat without her permission, and morphed into a whimper as her eyes filled with tears while she hugged him back just as fiercely. Even his warmth was familiar and she buried her face on his neck, searching for comfort to soothe the pain she could feel again.

And the pain was there. It wasn’t going to disappear all of a sudden. Pain mingled with relief, with exhaustion, with grief, with happiness, with disbelief, with hope. Pain for all that she went through, for the world that ceased to exist, for the new one, for the people she had lost, for the time she had spent alone barely hanging on the will to live.

But more than anything, her tears were for part of the family that she had found again, when she had truly thought there was no chance to ever see them another time.

She found herself blurting words to him through her tears, voice bare with vulnerability, “Oh God, I thought you were dead, Rick. You got shot and then you were in a coma and you weren’t waking up, and then Shane told me you had died in the hospital. I’ve been thinking you were dead all this time! I…”

“Shhh, stop, Emma.” He shushed her with compassionate tones, the southern accent that she had always found sweet wrapping comfortably around her name.

But she shook her head, unable to stop the torrent of words, things that she wanted him to know, “I was almost happy, you know? In some twisted way. That you weren’t in this world, that you weren’t suffering. That you were free of this. And here you are, and you’ve been suffering this whole time.” She whispered the last part, voice heavy with tears.

“I understand, it’s okay, shhh.” He murmured while his arms tightened around her and she knew immediately that he did understand. He had always been incredibly empathetic of other people’s feelings, it was one of the reasons why he was so good at his job, and she was glad this version of the world hadn’t stripped him of that.

He let go of her after some time, his hands going to her face instead and holding it with both of his hands, looking sad and enthralled at the same time, if such a thing was possible at all. His eyes moved over her face, taking her in and she was unable to keep from doing the same to him.

There were more wrinkles than she remembered, especially around his eyes. His hair was longer too, displaying his curls in a way that suited him. His beard was bigger and had a lot more gray hairs than she had ever seen before. He looked older and while a part of her was sad that he did, another was elated that she got to see him like this. He still looked good. And he looked healthy, which was more than it could be said about her.

His thumbs moved slowly on her cheeks, wiping her tears, before he tucked the hair that had gotten out of her ponytail, behind her ears. Her lips twitched up into a small smile at the familiar gesture, but the smile soon left her face when one of his thumbs felt the scar underneath her left eye that hadn’t been there before. Rick’s eyes were soon directed to what his thumb had felt and she saw him taking in the long, though thankfully thin, scar that continued to her left cheekbone.

His eyes met hers but he said nothing, suddenly looking a tad more sober. “I’m glad to see you, Emma. More than I can say.”

She sniffed, licking her lips and tasting the saltiness of her tears on them, and nodded with a soft smile, “As am I, Rick. Seeing you and Carl…”, her smile brightened a bit as her eyes met the smiling eyes of Rick’s son. “I’m half afraid that I’m dreaming.”

One corner of Rick’s lips curled up, and the look in his eyes was both knowing and understanding, “I know what you mean.” She wondered at that. She supposed he meant what Carl had mentioned earlier. Something about Glenn finding Rick in Atlanta and bringing him to a camp? She figured that had been where Lori, Shane and Carl had been then. But, Emma realized with relief, there would be time to talk about it. About everything.

She could hardly believe this was happening.

Still, as torn between this monumental discovery and everything she had gone through this past year as she was, it was particularly difficult to make heads or tails of things. Where did you go from here? She needed time to let it sink in. Not only the space where they were, this prison turned safe haven, but Carl and Rick’s presence as well. She had a feeling it would be too easy to let herself feel drunk on the joy she was experiencing and she had always felt the need to think clearly and calmly about things. That, at least, hadn’t changed.

She let herself lean her forehead on Rick’s shoulder and breathed deeply, distantly surprised when she found her hands gripping Rick’s shirt tightly. It struck her as a bit sad that she had so many things to tell him and yet at the moment, after that first word vomit, she couldn’t get anything out, like she was blocked. Shock, no doubt.

Emma closed her eyes, doing her best to center herself again and focused on the immediate things, apart from the two men standing with her. Feeling Rick’s hand stroking her hair gave her the strength to face things again.

When she stepped back, she was a bit calmer. Rick’s eyes moved through her face and she briefly wondered at the differences he would find there, and she didn’t mean physically. “Did you meet Bob? He came here with me.” She asked. Her companion of the last two months was the most important person in her life after Rick and Carl. She wouldn’t abandon him just because she had found her family.

Rick nodded, standing straighter as well though one of his hands was still on her shoulder, “Yeah. Met him outside, he mentioned arriving with a woman. Thought it was strange when he said Carl knew who you were ‘till he mentioned your name. Best surprise I had in awhile.” He answered with a fond smile.

Emma found herself smiling back. It was out of her hands, really. When he smiled at her like that, she had never been able to stop herself from returning the expression. “Imagine my surprise then.”

“Yeah,” Rick breathed, eyes sparkling. Emma’s eyes moved towards Carl to see him looking at them with a pleased expression. Wordlessly, she reach out her hand towards him and he stepped forward to let her grab his hand and pull him into her embrace. She tucked him into her side, resting her cheek on top of his head and met Rick’s eyes.

“Found this handsome young man outside and then he gave me food and promised me a shower. It was a no-brainer, to be quite honest.” She related with an amused smile.

“You really need that shower,” Carl commented and surprised a sharp laugh out of her.

“Oh, alright then. I see how is.” Emma said with mock hurt though she was smiling, and sneakily moved one her hand towards under his arms and tickled him. He yelped and moved away rather quickly. “That’s for saying I stink, kiddo.” She told him with a raised eyebrow.

He pouted, “Not fair.”

Emma crossed her hands over her chest, “Totally fair.” At that, Carl looked to his father, expecting him to be the mediator, as usual.

Rick was leaning on the sink, shaking his head at their antics but wearing a wide smile. When Emma and Carl turned to look at him, he rolled his eyes though with amusement clear on his face, “Fair.” He declared, making Carl groan in disappointment, “Emma was complimenting you. Sorry, son.”

Emma chuckled at Carl’s expression and winked at him, making him shake his head. Carl was quick to change subject though. ”I’m going to have to thank Glenn again. First he brought you and now he brought Emma.” He commented, looking at Rick.

Rick nodded with a small smile and met her eyes, “Glenn and Daryl picked you up, then?”

She nodded, “Me and Bob were on a road not very far away when they appeared. We hadn’t heard engines for such a long time, we just kind of stood there like idiots.” She told him with some amusement.

“They asked you the 3 questions?” Carl asked this time.

Emma looked at him curiously. They had indeed asked them 3 questions with an intent that had indicated some kind of thoughtful consideration underneath. She had noticed it then and now, after Carl’s question, she had her confirmation. She nodded slowly.

Carl was opening his mouth, no doubt to ask her about her answers, but Rick cut him off firmly, “We’ll speak about it later.” Father and son exchanged a look and then Carl nodded. Emma studied their interaction but didn’t comment. Rick then turned to her, “Let’s get you that shower, then?”

Emma sent him a wide smile and nodded, looking forward to the promised shower. Rick seemed amused at what he saw on her face, probably her enthusiasm at the prospect of bathing, and turned to his son again, “Go ask Carol or Maggie if they got any clothes they can spare. I’ll help Emma settling in and we’ll hit the showers next.”

Carl nodded easily, “Okay,” and started to turn before stopping and considering something for a second. Emma's heart melted when he approached her and gave her a quick tight hug, before turning away and leaving the kitchen.

She looked on to where Carl had disappeared with a fond smile before meeting Rick’s eyes again. She inhaled deeply and stepping closer to him once again, she caressed his face with her hand. “I still can’t believe…” She whispered wistfully and even though she didn’t finish it, Rick nodded in understanding.

“I know.” He breathed as he leaned his forehead on hers. They stayed like that for a while, basking in each other’s presence after so long apart. Her eyes closed and the exhaustion and relief was so monumental that she felt like she could fall asleep right there.

Maybe sensing this, Rick stepped back from her before giving her a quick kiss on her forehead, and after grabbing her hand tightly on his, he led her to the place she would stay from now on, “Come on.”

She grabbed her backpack and let herself be led.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much smaller that the other (I really had to cut it here) BUT next chapter will be much bigger and it will have some explanations as well!  
> I’m planning on starting the chapters with a tiny bit of Emma’s (and Rick’s) past, before the outbreak. Not sure if I’ll do that with ALL of the chapters, but I’ll make sure to add the date so you can always know where we’re at, timeline wise ;) If there is anything that is not clear enough, feel free to point it out so I can try to make it more obvious!  
> Thank you for reading <3


	4. Crooked Lines

_**______2006** _

She spent so much time on the bookstore, that despite only been living in King County for not much more than two years, the employees there all joked that they might as well give her a key.

She was pretty much their best customer ever, with the amount of books she bought.

Flint’s Books was the only bookstore in town and the public library was profoundly lacking in the materials she needed, so instead of driving to Atlanta, she preferred to spend her money on a family business that deserved it much more than any big company did. And it was a quaint little place where she had made friends with all the employees. She was comfortable there.

As it happened, everyone there was comfortable with her presence too. So comfortable in fact, that it wasn’t unusual to leave her alone in the store to grab a cup of coffee or a snack while she was lost in her own world, browsing books to her heart’s content. Most times she ordered books and simply came and picked them up, only staying some time to chat, but other times she simply browsed, looking for something surprising or inspiring.

So when she heard the store’s door open amidst the soothing tones of Corinne Bailey Rae softly playing in the background, she didn’t really pay attention, being nose deep in a rather entertaining book filled with interesting quotes and thinking it was probably Craig returning from his break.

She almost jumped when an unfamiliar voice addressed her, “Excuse me?”

Raising her head from where she was sitting down, she looked up to see a dark haired man, looking a little lost. For some reason, he looked familiar but she didn’t linger on that thought, it was a small town, chances were she had seen him around.

“Uhm, I was wondering if you could help me out? I’m searching for a book to give my son for his birthday, but I have no idea where to start lookin’.” He said with a self deprecating smile, blue eyes looking a tiny bit awkward.

She blinked at him, wondering why on earth he was asking _her_ that, when it dawned that he probably thought she worked at the bookstore. Which honestly wasn’t that far-fetched, with the store all to herself and how comfortable she looked. Shrugging inwardly, she decided to help him. Craig would still be gone for a while since he knew she was there and it was easy enough and hurt no one, so why not do the neighborly thing?

Plus, the guy was pretty cute.

She smiled politely and got up, putting the book she had been looking through on the chair she was vacating, “Of course! How old is he?”, she asked as she walked towards the shelf where the books for children and teenagers were disposed. The guy looked pretty young, no way he had a son older than that.

“He’s 8, gonna be 9 in a few days.” The man said from behind her, the sound of steps making clear he was following her through the bookstore. She stopped before the shelf, looking at the options before her, thinking.

“Anything special he’s interested in?” She asked, turning her head towards the guy. He was looking at her with a strange expression but blinked and answered her question with a shrug.

“Not that I’m aware of.” With a considering expression, he added, “Just wanted to get him into reading. He’s still young but he’s pretty quiet, mature for his age, always watching the people around him. I thought that perhaps reading could be something he could get interested in. It’s a good hobby to have.”

“Probably an introvert in the making. Nothing wrong with that, despite what some people might say.” She commented before adding with a smile, “But that’s actually a very helpful remark. I know just the thing that might hook him up.”

Squatting down, she reached and grabbed _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ , before straightening up and turning to the man beside her. “Here,” she handed him the book, “You might’ve heard about it. It’s a pretty well known series, there are a few movies out as well.” He nodded, looking over the book with interest, and she continued, “There are six books in total, the seventh and last book isn’t out yet, but if you’re not familiar with it, you should know that they get somewhat dark later on.”

She gestured to the book he had in his hands, “That book is the first one, so that one and second one are pretty okay for children your son’s age. The third one is probably more appropriate for someone a bit older. Now, fourth book on gets pretty dark at times.” When the man raised his eyes to hers, she gave him a small friendly smile, “My recommendation would be to see if he likes that one and you can buy the second one if he does, but after that, maybe pace yourself a little.”

He nodded with a grateful smile, “That sounds great. Thank you, Miss.”

She almost snorted, but instead waved him off, “Oh god, no Miss stuff, please. The name is Emma.”

He chuckled, “Got it. I’m Rick.” Before she could even worry about him paying for the book, since she did not actually work there, he fixed her with the strange look again, “You look familiar for some reason, I’ve been trying to remember from where I know your face this whole time.”

She raised her eyebrows, “No idea. Just around maybe? I’ve been living here for a couple of years but, huh... I don’t get out that much.” She said with a somewhat embarrassed smile.

He rubbed the slight stubble on his jaw before a look of revelation crossed his eyes before he winced somewhat, making her look puzzled, “Oh, I remember now. You’re the woman Shane failed to flirt with outside the coffee shop while we were on patrol, a few weeks ago.”

Her puzzled expression dissolved when he mentioned the word patrol, “Oh! The sheriffs! Right, I remember now.” And she did. This was none other than Sheriff Blue Eyes. She hadn’t recognized him without the uniform and the hat.

“That’s right,” He smiled, “I really am sorry for my friend’s behavior. He can be a little...too much.”

She made a dismissive gesture, “Don’t worry about it. Not your fault at all.”

Rick opened his mouth to answer but didn’t get an opportunity to say anything because in that moment, the bookstore’s door opened and Craig entered, finally returning from his break.

He looked at them with surprise for a moment before a smile appeared on his face, “Hey Rick! Long time no see!”

“Hey Craig, how are you doing?” Rick said pleasantly, shaking the young dark skinned man’s hand. They clearly knew each other, but perhaps Emma shouldn’t be surprised, it was a small town after all.

“Doin’ okay. Better now that I have a coffee in me.” He smiled patting his stomach, “How’s Carl doing?” He asked, as he walked behind the counter. Emma took the opportunity to go sit down again. Craig would take it from here.

“He’s doing great. It’s his birthday this weekend, so I came here to buy him a gift.” Rick said as he held the book in his hand high enough for Craig to see.

Craig nodded, “I see you found something. Sorry I wasn’t around to help.”

Rick shook his head, “No problem, your colleague helped me out.” He gestured to Emma, who looked up, knowing that he would soon found she didn’t actually worked here and hoping that they wouldn’t take her help badly. Craig was a laid-back young man and they got along splendidly, but she didn’t know Rick, and while he seemed like a decent man, she couldn’t tell how he would react.

Craig frowned in puzzlement, “Colleague? Emma?” He laughed, “Eh, more like the best customer of the year.”

Emma shook her head with a smile but didn’t say anything. It was Rick’s turn to look at Craig in puzzlement, and then her, putting two and two together faster than she thought he would. Probably a cop thing. “Wait, you don’t work here?”

Craig laughed good-naturedly and answered him, “Nah, she doesn’t. But she’s here so many times that she’s almost part of the staff, really. She helped ya out?”

Rick looked embarrassed as he nodded, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, and I made you- I didn’t even think to ask, you were here all alone, I just thought…” He rubbed his face with his hand, looking adorably awkward.

Emma shook her head at his apology with an amused smile, “Don’t worry about it, it was no problem at all. And I don’t blame you, I would have thought the same. Also, if anyone should apologize it’s me, I could have just told you I didn’t work here, I am sorry for that.” She added sincerely.

Rick sighed, but accepted her words, still looking slightly embarrassed, “Thank you for the help, doubly so.”

She smiled, “You’re very welcome. I hope Carl likes the book. I certainly do.”

“And if Emma likes a book, it’s either awesome or the most boring thing on earth.” Craig added with a teasing smile.

She rolled her eyes at him, “It’s Harry Potter, of course it’s awesome.”

Craig nodded, “Well, we do agree on that! Harry Potter is pretty much a classic already, I’d recommend it to anyone and everyone.”

“Well, the lady seemed to know what she was talking about, and since you approve as well, I’ll take my chances.” Rick said pleasantly, handing the book to Craig and taking his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans.

Not that she was looking.

Emma resumed looking through the book she had in her lap, while Rick and Craig exchanged some more small talk as Rick payed the book for his son.

A minute later, she heard steps approaching her and looked up to see Rick extending his hand to her, “Thanks again for the help and sorry for the confusion. It was nice to meet you, Emma.”

She shook his hand with a smile, eyes taking in his handsome features one last time, “Likewise Rick. And don’t mention it. Have a good day.”

He nodded, smiling back at her, “You too. Until next time.” And turned away, waving goodbye to Craig, before stepping out of the bookstore.

A few minutes later, Craig approached her with a wide shameless smile. She straightened up on the chair, instantly wary, “What?”

“Ya know, Rick’s divorced. And as far as I know he isn’t seeing anyone.” He told her with one raised eyebrow and a knowing look.

She rolled her eyes and refrained from hiding her face in the book on her hands, “Oh my God, Craig, seriously?”

He grinned at her, “Hey, just sayin’. You seemed to get along fine. He’s single, you’re single, you’re both good looking, you’d make some pretty cute babies.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She snorted in amusement at Craig’s wild imagination, “Wow, not getting ahead of yourself _at all_.”

He shrugged, still smiling, “You both need some lives, I’m just tellin’ ya there could be something there. Aaaand I get to be godfather of one of the cute babies, don’t forget that.” He finished with a pointed look.

She groaned, “Go do your damn homework, Craig Kendal. You’re too young to give me dating advice.”

He gave her a cheeky smile, completely unrepentant, before he turned around and continued his work for the day. Emma’s eyes lowered to the book in her lap, focusing on the part she had been reading.

  
_And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time._

  
With a small sigh and a shake of her head, she closed the book and put it on top of the other two much thicker books she was buying.

As the months after that encounter ended up showing her, Craig hadn’t quite hit the nail on the head. But close enough.

* * *

  _ **______2011**_

Soon enough, Emma had to accept that not everything was right.

It had been lucky to meet people, decent people, willing to take her and Bob to their camp. It had been lucky that their camp wasn’t just a camp, but rather a flowering community, safe and with the capability to prosper. And it had been lucky beyond belief to find Carl and Rick again, after she had thought she’d never see them both again, albeit for different reasons.

But if she had ever thought that Rick and her could resume their relationship where they left off...well, it certainly looked like it wasn’t the case.

He was avoiding her. Worse than that was the fact that she didn’t know why.

Rick had been normal enough when she got to the prison. Or normal enough for a situation that was not normal in the least. He had showed her around, took her to the showers so she could clean up for the first time in probably months, got her some clean clothes to wear and set her up with a cell to sleep on.

She hadn’t wanted to go to sleep without knowing what had happened, from the beginning. So he told her. He told her what she had no doubt was a very summarized version of the facts, but he spoke about it at least.

About the hospital and Shane, about waking up and Morgan and Duane, about Atlanta and Glenn, about finding Carl, Lori and Shane. He spoke about leaving that camp, about the CDC, about a little girl getting lost, about Carl being accidentally shot, about the farm. He told her about Shane being different, changed, prone to violent outbursts more often than not, about Lori being pregnant with Shane’s child and of how that only made Shane even more unstable. About how Shane had tried to kill him, several times, painting him as the villain in a story that only he could see, and how about, in the end, he had to kill his best friend.

He told her about a horde of walkers invading the farm and how they had escaped. How the months after that had been terrible, trying to feed a big group, including a very pregnant Lori, and not finding a place to stay and rest. How they finally found the prison but that not even that had been the end of their worries. He told her about Lori giving birth, about her dying when Carl, of all people, had to watch as someone from their group cut his little sister out of Lori’s belly and then how he had to shoot his own mother so she wouldn’t turn. He spoke of how traumatizing that had been to all of them, especially Rick and Carl. He also told her of his decision to adopt Judith as his own. And he told her about the whole thing with the Governor, about Michonne, Andrea, Merle, the attack, and his failures as a leader.

And his face became more and more closed off as he went on, while his voice became colder and detached. He eventually stopped looking at her.

When he was finished, she barely had the heart to say anything. She had never liked to waste words and whatever she could tell him would be meaningless, after all that they had suffered. The world had not been kind to him and his people in the least, what could her words possibly do to help him? So she had whispered _I’m sorry that happened to you_ with a broken voice and he had answered _Me too_ , before wishing her goodnight and leaving without another word.

The next day, she barely saw him. And so on.

For better or for worse, she had never been one of those people that pushed others, even if she had all reasons to. If she felt like someone was distancing themselves from her, a part of her was unwilling to push it, perceiving herself to be a bother. It was a flaw she recognized in her. Sometimes it was healthier to let go, it’s true, but other times one needed to fight for the person in question.

But she had spent more than one year apart from Rick. Worse than that, she had thought he was dead. She hadn’t stopped loving him despite that, and even if, for her, everything remained the same in that regard, she wasn’t sure about Rick. And she wouldn’t push him about her. It just wasn’t in her. Maybe he needed time to think, to digest her presence, or maybe something simply had changed for him.

She could understand. Or try to. Somewhat. But all the reasons that she could come up with were her own interpretation of the facts, and she didn’t have all of them. She was aware that she could be looking at it all wrong and she’d rather not come to conclusions that way.

But Rick didn’t explain. He hadn’t even asked about her, about what had happened to her. He didn’t talk to her, not really. Not anything besides the simplest greetings like he did with most people at the prison, and only if they crossed paths, which he seemingly made sure they didn’t.

And it hurt. It hurt badly.

And she was left behind, trying not to not let her tears fall or her pain show, because she knew that in the great scheme of things, whatever this was, it was nothing. It was stupid. Relationship troubles in the middle of the apocalypse? Who cares, right? There are more important things.

Still, however she tried to rationalize it, and she did try it, fiercely, the ache was still there. She doubted it would pass. Not if Rick insisted in treating his girlfriend of 4 years like a stranger. But maybe she wasn’t even that anymore.

At least Carl, even after all the horrible things he had gone through, hadn’t let the world change his relationship with her. He was so visibly happy to have her around that she could only let herself be happy in his presence in return. He had always been a sweet kid, she was glad that he still was, even when she glimpsed the hard edges he had that hadn’t been there before.

Her eyes followed Rick’s form as he walked towards the inner gate to open it for Daryl, with the woman that owned the sword by his side. Michonne, if she was not mistaken. Carl had spoken a little bit of everyone and Emma remembered he had seemed fond of the woman.

Emma lowered her eyes to the knife and meat in her hands, sighing sadly and trying her best not to judge Rick for being more at ease with someone he had only known for a few months, than with her. She knew well enough that relationships between people were different now, quicker in a way.

It was just hard not to draw comparisons.

“Is that what I think it is?” a voice beside her asked.

Emma turned her face to look at Hershel who was sitting beside her, helping her prepare the meat for their next meal, to see what he was talking about. He gestured to her right hand with a movement of his chin and she found him looking at her engagement ring.

Her stomach tied in knots and her jaw tightened. “Yeah,” she answered softly.

She had never taken it off, both because she knew it was the fastest way to lose it, but also because she was unwilling to. Even when she believed Rick to be dead, she still felt tied to him, still loved him. That wasn’t going to stop even if he was dead, and she wasn’t trying to replace him.

Now, she had found herself wondering a few times if she should take it off. Give it back to Rick. It sounded too juvenile, too dramatic, but all things considered, if he didn’t wish to continue the relationship then there was no point in wearing it, was there?

She found herself saying her thoughts out loud. Hershel was a good man, knowledgeable about life, willing to listen and willing to give council from what she had seen. He seemed like the spiritual leader of the prison community, not to mention an important part of the Council, so she felt comfortable in confiding in him. He certainly knew Rick well, maybe he had insight that she did not.

“Maybe I should take it off.” She said, looking at the small but still sparkly stone that she loved so much. It was a beautiful but discreet ring, just like she liked it. Rick had chosen well.

“Why?” He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

She shrugged, “Doesn’t look like I’m on much of a relationship anymore, much less like I’m about to get married. And it’s not like I can actually get married anyway. No use having delusions.” She tried to keep her voice light, hating the fact that she felt the horrible pang of pain again.

Hershel sighed beside her. Emma knew that some of the people on the prison, especially the ones that knew Rick and Carl the longest, knew about her relationship with Rick. Or the former relationship with Rick. Either way, she could tell by the curious looks thrown at her, especially when Rick was around and doing his best not to talk to her at all. She could only imagine what they thought of the whole thing.

“You shouldn’t give up hope.” The white haired man declared, sounding a bit tentative.

It was her turn to sigh, “I’d rather not live in a dream and get it over with. Rip the band-aid, as it were, if that’s the case.”

She could feel Hershel’s gaze on the side of her face, but she didn’t meet his eyes and continued cutting up the meat in her hands. “I understand, I do. And I cannot claim to know Rick’s reasons for his behavior, but...he’s been through so much, I think he’s just afraid and doesn’t know how to deal with it.” He told her.

She turned her head and met Hershel’s eyes with her own. Afraid? Of what? Her? That made no sense. What could she possibly do that could make him feel fear?

She gulped, turning her head towards her work again before saying, a bit tightly, “Whatever his reasons may be, and however just, I’m a person. I’m not like a t-shirt that you only wear when you feel like it. And the least he could do was be honest with me. It was all I ever asked of him.” Her voice shook before she breathed deeply, trying to regain the lid on her wayward emotions.

She felt Hershel’s head move in a slow nod beside her, “Maybe you oughta tell him that.” He said, though his voice was free of judgment, which she appreciated.

She sighed dejectedly, “Yes, I suppose I should. I just don’t want to make a scene, especially not in front of Carl.” If anyone didn’t deserve any more drama in their life, it was Carl.

Hershel paused in what he was doing and she turned her head to find him looking at her with a small smile, “You seem like a good woman, Emma. I can see why Carl likes you so much, and even Rick.”

She shook her head at the end of his sentence but didn’t offer a response.

“He spoke to me about you once, you know?” Hershel offered after a few minutes of silence, “Rick did.”

Her hands trembled and she paused what she was doing to breathe deeply, not completely sure she wanted to hear whatever the one legged man beside her wanted to tell her.

“After Lori died, Rick was in a bad shape for a while. I think he felt guilty about all that happened with Shane, especially with Lori pregnant. It could have been worse, but he was distant for some time.” Hershel paused, gathering his thoughts before he continued, “His best friend had changed irrevocably and he had to kill him. His ex-wife, for whom he still had a measure of love, was dead. His son, so young, had to be the one to kill his own mother. And now he had a new life, more vulnerable than all the others, to protect. The girl was an orphan, but she was still the sister of his son and the daughter of his best friend and his ex-wife, so Rick decided to adopt her, treat her as his own.”

He sighed, “It was a hard time for everyone, but Rick always shouldered all the blame and responsibility by himself. Losing so many important people to him like that...it almost broke him. I caught him almost in tears once, alone at night, near the fence. I guess it just hit him then, and he confided in me how alone he felt, how much he wished you were here. That you had made his whole life better, that he had so many hopes for your life together, and that you were so good with Carl. But you were gone, and Shane was gone and Lori was gone, and everyone was gone and now he had Carl and Judith and he felt like he had the world on his shoulders.”

“I think he was half grieving for Lori and half grieving for you. And that it hit him then how alone he suddenly was, even if he still had Carl, and now Judith. He was also grieving for what his son was going through. First Carl lost you, a friend and perhaps even a mother figure, and then his actual mother. All of that was extremely hard on Rick.” Hershel added.

A silent tear ran down her cheek and Emma was quick to wipe it with the back of her hand.

“It isn’t an excuse for his actions with you, but rather a way to tell you that the reasons behind his behavior might not be completely rational. He’s been through a lot. So don’t rush into anything yet.” Hershel said gently.

She bit her lip and nodded, “Thank you”. They resumed their chores in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

She had no doubt of the veracity of Hershel’s words and it hurt to think of the pain Rick had inside himself, hidden away, while he did his best to soldier on and be some kind of leader to these people while still being a good father to Carl, and now Judith.

The sting of his apparent rejection was hard to bear nonetheless, but she supposed she could try to have more patience and wait for...something. She wasn’t sure what.

She sighed silently.

_Try._

* * *

 

She met Judith for the first time two days after arriving at the prison.

The first days were spent mostly resting, eating, coming to grips with the new reality, discovering where everything was placed, learning about the existing tasks, meeting people and talking to the Council. She was surprised to learn about this system of government, for a lack of better word. From what Rick had told her that first night, Shane and Rick had been sort of the leaders in the beginning, and then Rick alone. But Emma thought that the Council idea was a good thing.

Not only it was too much responsibility to have all the power in just one person’s shoulder, regardless of that person’s former job and experience, especially with so many people now living in the prison, but it was a way to ensure that rules and decisions would be kept as fair and non-biased as possible. The apocalypse wasn’t a place for petty power struggles.

The Council was constituted by Hershel, Glenn and Daryl, all of whom she had already met, plus Carol and Sasha.

Apparently, they met up with everyone they brought in the prison, which was understandable. To make sure they were stable and were decent people, no doubt. In her case, it had felt more like a formality than anything. She was sure that they hadn’t been as cautious as they would have been if she had been a complete stranger, though they had been a lot more curious. Carl and Rick were well known and well loved by everyone, it was clear, so they welcomed her with open arms and she was more thankful than she could say. She had also been happy to know that Bob had been given the green light to stay as well.

Carl was excited for her to meet his little sister and Emma had to admit that she was curious to see Lori and Shane’s daughter.

She was struck by the intriguing and rather fascinating fact that everyone, in a way or another, took care of the baby girl. Despite being an orphan of her biological parents, Judith had the improbable luck of having more fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts and cousins than she knew what to do with. Of course, being a baby, she had no notion of this, but it was absolutely heartwarming to see.

It also made it clear how unfussy she was and how used she was to being passed around her many family members. Judith welcomed Emma’s presence as if Emma had been there all along.

“Want to hold her?” Carl asked Emma, looking comfortable handling his baby sister. It was obvious he was used to it and had no qualms about it at all. Judith was only a few months old but she looked healthy and happy. Big wide sweet brown eyes looking at Emma steadily.

She smiled at both of them, “Of course!” Slowly and carefully Carl deposited his sister in Emma’s arms.

“Well, hello there Judith, it’s so nice to meet you!” Emma told the baby in her arms. Judith’s little hands came towards her face right away and soon enough, she was looking fascinated with Emma’s blonde hair.

That made her chuckle, “Oh yes, hair! Fascinating, isn’t it? You’re welcome to study it as much you want it. Who am I to put myself between a woman and her research, right?” Emma told Judith with a raised eyebrows and an amused smile. It was always entertaining how hair fascinated babies so much.

Carl started chuckling, clearly finding her grown-up talk with his sister funny. Judith turned her head towards her laughing brother, looking interested, and then burst into giggles herself.

Carl and Emma looked at each other in amazement before starting to laugh as well, finding joy in the baby’s happiness. Emma pressed a kiss on Judith’s soft hair, “Oh you are dangerous indeed, young woman! Too cute for your own good, no wonder you have everyone wrapped around your little finger!”

Carl’s smile was wide as he softly caressed his sister’s short hair, “She is pretty cute.”

“Well, in my humble opinion,” Emma declared while she tickled Judith’s belly to hear those magnificent giggles again, “It’s a family thing, since you are both pretty cute.” At Carl’s wrinkled nose, she added firmly as she smiled at the giggling baby, “The cutest.”

When Carl didn’t answer as she expected him to, to grumble about being called cute, she turned her head to look at him. She found him looking behind her with an irritated look. Emma turned towards where he was looking but found only the disappearing shadow of someone who had been standing by the door moments before. Looking back to Carl, she asked, “Who was it?”

Carl looked down and shook his head without saying anything. He couldn’t have been more clear.

“It was your dad, huh?” Emma asked with a deflated sigh, doing her best to not show how much Rick’s avoidance really hurt her.

Carl nodded, looking guilty, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why he’s being...weird.”

For a moment, Emma was overwhelmed with affection for Carl. He really was a great kid, Rick and Lori had raised him well. Rearranging Judith more carefully in her arms while the baby played with her hair, Emma gently grabbed Carl’s chin and raised it towards her so they could look at each other.

“Carl, please don’t apologize, alright? It’s not your fault at all.” Her hand moved to the back of his head and pushed him gently towards her so she could drop a kiss on the top of his head.

When she released him, Carl still had a frown on his face, “I just don’t understand. I mean, it’s you, shouldn’t he be happy?”

Emma sighed, “I honestly don’t understand either, kiddo. But don’t worry about it. It’s between me and your dad and whatever happens I’ll always be here for you, alright?.” Carl nodded wordlessly and gave her a quick hug, which she returned as best as she could with his sister still in her arms.

They kept Judith company for some more time until the baby started getting tired and Carl laid her down on her crib, arranging the sheets around her carefully so she wouldn’t get cold.

After that, they spent the afternoon together, Emma and Carl, telling each other about both their stories after getting separated in the beginning of everything. She had gotten some of the story from Rick, but Carl went into a little more detail on some things and had a different perspective, not to mention that she could get a hint of certain things that Rick had clearly edited out while Carl didn’t find important enough to think twice about saying.

She finally learned exactly what had happened to him, his mother and Shane, after they separated from her, and how they ended up on that first camp by a quarry. He told her how happy he had been when one day the group that had gone to Atlanta searching for supplies, returned with his dad, who they all thought had been dead. He also mentioned an argument that had occurred between Rick and Shane pretty much right after Rick had arrived, apparently because of her. She wondered at that, but didn’t push Carl for details, chances were he didn’t even know.

They had assumed she had died, or gotten lost somehow, and in the midst of the confusion it was the only conclusion to reach, really. She had thought the same of them, though she had hoped they had gotten to somewhere safe, even after knowing that Atlanta was out of reach because of the bombardments.

Carl also spoke a bit of Sofia, Carol’s daughter and his friend, who had gotten lost on a highway, and how after that, he had gotten shot. He even showed her the scar and told her how bad it had hurt. Between his and Rick’s accounts of that particular event, she knew it hadn’t _just_ hurt badly, Carl had almost died. Frankly she’d rather not think too much on that, it frightened her and she could only imagine how Rick and Lori had felt.

Amidst what Carl told her, it was also easy for her to denote the mounting tension that had existed been Rick and Shane, apparently pretty much from the beginning, but getting worse and worse until it finally exploded. Even Carl had noticed Shane getting more and more unlike himself and more unstable, especially with the added anxiety of Lori’s pregnancy, until the night when Rick had been forced to kill his best friend in self defense.

At some point, as Carl told her about the troubled year of his life, Emma got the impression that he had been bursting with some of these thoughts. The way he related his grief about how they discovered his friend in the Greene’s barn, turned into a walker, effectively putting a stop in all of the group’s many efforts to find her, and about in his ill-perceived attempt to help and show he was as capable as everyone else, fueled by anger at the situation of his life, he had ended up making things worse, as a walker that he had failed to kill had, in turn, killed one of their group, a nice man called Dale, it seemed to her as if he was seeking some kind of absolution or comfort from her.

It broke her heart that someone so young kept all these awful things bottled up and she got the taste of the familiar powerlessness that this new world was rich in. But if Carl trusted her enough to speak to her, when he clearly wasn’t speaking about these things with anyone else, or at least not in a way that was enough for him, then she would lend her ear and all comfort she could possible give him.

The only thing he didn’t talk about was his sister’s birth and subsequent mother’s death, and she would never push him to do it unless he came to her first. She couldn’t imagine how horrifying the whole experience had certainly been, and she had no desire to make him relieve the memories.

He did tell her a bit about the time after that. About his pain, his guilt, and how he focused on Judith, knowing his mom would have wanted that, and about how Rick changed after Lori’s death and how distant he was for a time. Emma was surprised to know he had been the one to have the idea about Rick giving up leadership. It was a clear sign of Carl’s sensitivity to their situation, even so young, and worry for his dad.

Emma also got the feeling that for all the love that there was between father and son, their relationship had been very rocky at times, with Carl getting scared of his father’s actions, not knowing how to react to Rick’ darker side. Unfortunately she couldn’t blame Rick’s new sharpness. God knew she had done many things she wasn’t proud of and things that she had never thought she would ever need to do. But sometimes survival was all there was, even if it reduced us to poor excuses of human beings.

It was clear to Emma that Rick tried to protect his son from the most of it, and also how terribly he had failed at times, though she doubted it was all his fault. Carl, of course, resented him for it.

She had also learned that they had returned once to King County once, looking for guns to protect themselves from the Governor. Rick and Carl, along with Michonne, had gone to King County Sheriff’s Department and Carl had wanted to go to their house. Apparently Rick hadn’t wanted to, so Carl had gone with Michonne, stopping by the King County Cafe to get a picture of Lori for Judith, and took her Harry Potter books and any comics she owned. Carl seemed a bit guilty for just taking her things, but Emma only laughed, quickly reassuring him that it was more than fine and he didn’t have to worry.

Still, even for all the bad things, Carl had many things to smile about. Mainly about how delighted he was with his new little sister. For all the anxiety about a baby being born amidst all this, without all the conditions and technologies of before, it was clear that Judith’s existence was seen as nothing short of a miracle and cherished by not only Carl, but everyone in the prison group.

To Emma, even the other children at the prison were a wonder, as she hadn’t come across anyone that young in a long time.

He laughed about Daryl’s nickname for Judith - Little Ass Kicker, and how the gruff man turned completely docile when he had the baby in his arms. And he told her excitedly about the animals they had managed to catch, and all the things he had learned about farming, something he seemed to enjoy doing along his dad.

It was an afternoon well spent, and Emma got a clearer picture of what they had gone through. She still hurt from Rick’s apparent rejection of her with no explanation whatsoever, but perhaps, like Hershel had told her, she should be patient and give him time.

Time was, however, something that they shouldn’t put their hopes in. This version of the world was tricky, pulling the carpet from under your feet quickly and easily.

Emma only hoped that if it was indeed time that Rick needed, then that he figured out his thoughts and feelings as soon as possible because she didn’t trust time anymore. The possibility that none of them might be alive to see tomorrow or after was always high.

As high as it ever was since she kissed him goodbye and wished him a good day at work for the last time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:  
> \- Even after all these years I still can't believe the American version of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone is Sorcerer's. Honestly.  
> \- Craig Kendal is an OC, he's the son of Rick's colleague Sheriff Lambert Kendal, and he works part-time on the bookstore while he's on his last high-school year.  
> \- That quote is from Libba Bray.  
> \- I always feel like such an impostor when I use some contractions or attempt to write slang in English, ahahah! Please tell me if I make some awful mistake, I can barely keep the differences between written British English and American English straight, I mix everything up! (English is not my first language)  
> \- There will be no Richonne here (though I love them both dearly), they’ll still be great friends, same with the friendship between Michonne and Carl (they’re so cute!) :D  
> \- I realize Rick killing Shane in self-defense is only one interpretation of the facts - the situation is pretty damn complex and none of them are 100% stable, especially at that point - but the Lori and Judith’s debate isn’t exactly the same in this fic, and it’s not like Emma has all the info, so I’m not going to add complexity where I don’t need it - also because I might just drown in Walking Dead’s special brand of complexity (it’s one of the reasons I love the show, but I’m not awesome enough to portray it efficiently) and get completely blocked, which I sure as hell don’t want!  
> \- Oh and just to clarify, Rick’s descent to darkness after Lori’s death isn’t quite as bad in this fic’s reality. He does grieve for Lori and grieves for Emma too, and for the life that could have been if the zombies thing hadn’t happened, so he does get unstable (it’s part of his character development, after all, I can’t completely change it), but not as badly as in the actual show. No phone business, for example, though the hallucinations (in form of not only Lori but also Emma) might have happened - they’re kind of Rick’s conscience in a way. He’s just very alone at that moment.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and its little twist/s! Thank you for reading! :D


	5. Axis

_**______2006** _

Rick smiled at his 9 year old son as he told him animatedly about the gifts he had received on his birthday, last week.

Rick and Carl were sitting down on opposite sides of the table at Tyrell’s, stuffing their faces with a burger and fries. Not the healthiest pick as far as food went, but Carl didn’t usually ate this kind of thing, which Rick was grateful to Lori about, so today was one of the exceptions to the rule, much to his son’s delight.

Carl’s excitement was such that he barely paused between speaking and eating, prompting Rick to scold him about chewing the food, swallowing the food and only then, talking.

Still, Rick was immensely pleased to see his son so happy. He was pretty certain that the guilt of the consequences of his divorce with Lori would always haunt him.

It hadn’t been a particularly dramatic affair comparing to other divorces he had known about, even seen sometimes while on the job, and he was thankful for it. But kids were always the ones who suffered the most in divorces, drama-filled or not.

While his current relationship with his ex-wife was amicable and she understood his want and need to be part of their son’s life as much as he could, it was still hard to swallow the fact that Carl spent more time with her than him.

They had a joint custody of their son, but Carl lived mostly with Lori, only staying with Rick on some weekends or on Rick’s vacations, so while Rick understood, and honestly he even agreed that it was best for Carl to live with his mother to provide him some stability, especially because of his profession, it didn’t mean he was happy about it.

As result, he treasured even more the time he spent with his son, taking in all the new exciting things about his personality as he grew up steadily before his very eyes. Being a parent, while difficult, not to mention a huge responsibility, was an immeasurable gift.

“I started to read the book you gave me, dad.” Carl said, after swallowing a french fry.

Rick leaned his chin on one of his hands, looking at his son with interest, “Oh? And what do you think so far?”

Carl pondered the answer to his dad’s question carefully and Rick smiled bemusedly at this as he waited.

“I haven’t read very much, but it sounds alright so far. Everything has funny names, even the characters.” He paused for a moment, clearly thinking about something before shrugging, “But people have magic so maybe that’s why?”

“Well a world with magic would certainly change some things” Rick offered, “You’ll have to tell me story sometime, when you finish reading it. Or maybe you can lend me the book, it sounds interesting.”

Carl smiled brightly at the ideas and nodded, “Okay!” Before proceeding to take a huge bite of his burger.

Chuckling, Rick raised his eyes to look around the restaurant, taking in the people peacefully eating their dinners. Maybe it was his police training, or maybe he was just a little bit paranoid, but Rick often found himself taking in his surroundings repeatedly, alert even despite himself.

He supposed they could take the man out of the uniform, but not the uniform out of the man.

Good thing or not, it made him notice things that not everyone did sometimes. It was good while on the job, and as he was just finding out, sometimes it was good out of the job too.

His eyes fixed on the other side of the restaurant, taking in the three people sitting there. They had clearly just came in since they were still looking over the menu. There was an older couple, a man with light brown hair peppered with gray and a woman with a scarf on her head, hiding her hair. He couldn’t see their faces, only their backs, but he could see, and recognize, the pretty blonde woman who sat in front of them, looking relaxed.

Emma.

He couldn’t deny she had caught his eye. It really was no wonder that Shane, womanizer that he was, had tried to flirt with her. It had been very amusing to see her expression of affront at Shane’s failed pick up line. It had also been pretty entertaining to hear Shane grumbling about it for some good 10 minutes.

He couldn’t fault Shane for trying, though his friend had done it without any tact whatsoever, she was quite easy on the eyes. Long blonde hair, blue eyes, really pretty smile.

But most importantly, as Rick had found out about a week before, she seemed to be a pretty easy going and decent woman, taking Rick’s blunder at the bookshop in stride and helping him out without missing a beat. No simpering flower that one, but still managing to be open and friendly.

She had sounded educated, and from her own words telling him she had only been living here for a couple of years, he was pretty sure that she was a city girl or close enough. Nevertheless she didn’t seem to possess the arrogance of most educated city folks while on a small town like King County. It made him wonder exactly what her story was. Usually people moved from small towns to cities, not the other way around, and definitely not that young either. He couldn’t help being intrigued.

His eyes moved back to his son to see him looking curiously to where Rick had been looking. “Who are they?” Carl asked, turning his face back to his father, probably wondering who were the people that had caught Rick’s attention.

“I only know Emma. I don’t know who the older couple is, maybe her parents.”

Carl looked back to where they were sitting for a second before shrugging and taking a sip of his soda instead, undisturbed.

“Emma’s the one that recommended the Harry Potter book for you.” Rick offered as a way of making conversation.

Carl looked up to him, but didn’t seem very interested, “Cool.” Apparently something else had caught his attention however, “Why is that other lady wearing a scarf on her head?”

Rick blinked, taken aback at the simple yet astute nature of the question. He had noticed as well, but the other woman present had distracted him somewhat so he hadn’t really thought about it.

Actually, maybe it wasn’t all that surprising for Carl to have noticed it. Kids noticed things that were different or new to them, much more easily than adults, so a strange woman wearing a strange thing was bound to be a curiosity to him.

“I’m not sure.” Rick said slowly. In truth, he knew perfectly well that there were a few possible explanations. One of them could be as simple as a fashion choice and another one explanation could be as terrible as cancer. The latter option was not something he was prepared to talk to with his son, not without knowing for sure that that was the reason. “Maybe she just likes it that way.”

Carl’s blue eyes looked up to his, but he accepted his answer easily, “Okay.”

The rest of their dinner went on quickly while Rick and Carl found other things to talk about and finished their food. After paying, when it was time to go, they both got up, waving goodbye to Tyrell Debbs as they moved towards the exit.

As Rick turned towards the door, he couldn’t help sneaking a peek at where Emma was sitting. With a jolt, he found her eyes already on his, looking surprised to see him before sending him a warm smile and a little wave.

He smiled back with a wave of his own, with the other hand on Carl’s shoulder as they approached the restaurant’s door. Before he turned away, he saw as her eyes moved towards Carl, looking curious, probably wanting to see the boy she had recommended a book to.

Father and son stepped out, the sunset painting the peaceful town around them in tones of orange, and Rick dropped a quick kiss on Carl’s head as they walked towards his car.

Life was good.

* * *

_**______2011** _

Nights were especially complicated for Emma.

She’d been doing rather okay with days, keeping busy, learning about the group and the tasks assigned to her, but at night, when all was quiet and she was alone in her cell, her thoughts were deafening. There was no soothing her brain, head swimming with memories, images and thoughts in an endless circle. Sleep was hard to catch and when she did, it was only a small amount.

When dawn was near and the world outside was getting lighter, she woke up with a strangled gasp.

Trembling and disoriented, she didn’t recognize where she was, wondering why she had let herself sleep when she knew she _couldn’t_. She couldn’t because the dead were always near and she was alone. She needed to be awake, it was that or _death_.

After a minute, her brain caught up with her and she let out a breath of relief, remembering she was safe in a prison surrounded by fences and people as lookouts. She cursed inwardly, every night was the same now.

The trembling didn’t stop, so breathing shakily and heart was still pounding, she put on some shoes and left the building where her sleeping cell was located, cellblock D, as quickly as she could.

She entered the courtyard and with a quick look to her surroundings, finding them empty of people, dead or alive, she stopped by a wall and let herself sink to the ground, breathing heavily. Her hands were shaking as she ran them through her hair, and she closed her eyes, trying to breathe deeply and calmly, screaming at her own brain to stop the freak out. She was safe, there were fences and guards and walls weren’t always a bad thing. She was _safe_.

It was easier said than done, however. She suspected that a panic attack like this could easily become common occurrence. It was one thing to be out there, alone, where everything could go wrong in a blink of an eye, and if you wanted to survive you needed to always be on guard. But it was another thing to _be_ safe.

Ironically, being safe could very well open the floodgates of everything she had kept locked up tight. It would probably take some time until she was used to this, until she actually _felt_ safe.

She could recognize that being alone for so long did a number on her. More times that she cared to admit, she had toed the line of sanity. She had believed she had no one, nothing to live for, and in a world like this, why go on at all? Depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, all of it was the free cocktail of nowadays existence.

She had had her highs and lows, but one way or another, something had always snapped her out of it. Part of her mind was appalled at how far she had let herself go, but she always found something that made her come back, some flicker of hope for Carl, some fanciful thought that perhaps her existence could be the difference between life or death of someone she might find along the way.

At times she cursed her own compassion. She knew it was guilt as well, that drove that compassion. A way to repent for things she had done, a way to erase it. But however fucked up it was, this grasping at strings, it was one way for her to go on, and knowing what she knew now, she was thankful that she did.

Meeting Bob had been a step in the right direction. She recognized some kind of kindred spirit in him, and even though they had never discussed much about what had happened to them after the outbreak, in an effort to keep them both from descending towards depression, they kept it light, telling each other stories about their former lives.

He had a great sense of humor, and was almost irritatingly optimistic. The slightly jaded part of her found his optimism aggravating, but the part of her that found him amusing was bigger and won out in the end. She had been happy to note that she could still feel amusement.

But like everyone, there was a disconnect at times. Times when Bob became somber, silent, brooding, and his optimism vacillated. His tongue turned bitter at those times, and the dark type of humor he employed then, did nothing to hide from her the despair he felt.

She couldn’t blame him for that.

With a calmer sigh, she rubbed her face and groaned pathetically. She didn’t need this now. She had found a good place to stay, she had found Carl, who she had thought she would never see again, and Rick, who she had thought was dead all this time. It was surprisingly hard to come to terms with the overturn of the last days.

She was almost fearful of the luck she had had, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Could she trust this?

She shook her head against her own thoughts. Of course she could trust this! Carl and Rick were here! If she couldn’t trust her family, then who would she trust?

She took another deep breath and crossed her legs, leaning her back on the wall, eyes fixed on the brightening sky and trying to fill her head with silence as she let herself sink in the peacefulness of the moment.

She had probably been there for 20 minutes before she was interrupted. “Hey, you okay?” A feminine voice called out.

Emma straightened up and her head snapped in the direction of the voice. When she saw the features of the figure who was approaching her, she relaxed again, leaning her back on the wall once more. “Yeah. Just…couldn’t sleep.” She answered as she let her eyes take in the women before her. She was tall, muscled, with dark skin and dark long hair in dreadlocks kept out of her face by a bandana of some kind. Michonne.

The woman nodded, with an understanding in her eyes that frankly surprised Emma. Perhaps it shouldn’t. This new world had no doubt scarred everyone.

“Michonne, right?” She asked with curiosity. While she knew some people on the prison, they were many and some she only knew by name while others she only knew their faces.

The woman gave her an half smile, “Yes. And you’re Emma?”

Emma sent her a small smile in return, “That’s me.”

Michonne nodded, “Can I join you?” She gestured to the space at Emma’s side.

She looked up at the women with some surprise but nodded, “Of course.”

There was a moment of silence between them, as Michonne sat down by her side and leaned her back on the wall, mirroring her position. “So, you’re the girlfriend?” The woman asked in a curious tone, looking at her from the corner of her dark eyes.

Emma did her best not to roll her eyes, apparently gossip was still a thing in the apocalypse, “No. He’s the boyfriend.” She answered with an amused half smile. The smile and the amusement died quickly however, as she remembered. Was he still her boyfriend? Emma would have liked to know as well.

Michonne chuckled at that, and Emma was amazed to see how the smile the other woman sent her changed her whole face. She looked tough, all pent up emotion, like a panther biding her time, so to see this different side of her was a pleasant surprise. After what little Emma had heard about her from both Rick and Carl, this made her admire all the more.

“Noted,” the dark haired woman said with amusement bright on her eyes. After another moment of silence, Michonne’s voice sounded again, “Past days must have been something for you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Carl so happy ever since I’ve known him.”

Emma’s face morphed into a fond smile as she thought of Carl, “I am just as happy to have find him, and this place too. I’ve seen nothing like it before, it’s amazing.” She added gesturing to the prison around them.

“I know what you mean. Woodbury was every prettier, it looked like the old world, like nothing bad had touched it.” Michonne commented in a whimsical tone, before adding with more steel, “Too bad it was rotten to the core.”

Emma looked at her from the corner of her eyes, studying the woman, “I’ve heard a bit about it. The Governor sounds like a piece of work.”

Michonne snorted, “That’s being kind, believe me.”

Emma considered all that she knew about the Governor’s attack for a moment, before asking, “Did you ever find him?”

Michonne turned her dark eyes on her with a slight frown, “No, we didn’t.” Her eyes moved towards her feet, “I’ve been doing runs, trying to find where he slinked off to, but so far no luck.”

Emma nodded slowly, “Trying to finish the job or are you afraid he’ll want revenge?”

Michonne looked at her consideringly and took a moment before she answered, “Both.” She kept her eyes on Emma, looking thoughtful, “What’s you opinion on that?”

Emma wondered if the question was some kind of test, like the 3 questions that Daryl and Glenn has asked her and Bob. “I don’t think I have all the facts to have an opinion worth considering, you’re the ones who lived through it.” She answered, before adding slowly, “But, for what is worth, I think there is a risk, especially if the man is as unbalanced as I’ve heard. Maybe he’ll take months or years, or maybe he’s dead in a ditch, but a man like that would probably try for revenge.” She sighed, adding under her breath, “The world’s filled with sick fucks like that nowadays.”

She could feel the force of the other woman’s gaze on the side of her face but she didn’t meet her eyes until Michonne asked, “Met many?”

Blue eyes met dark brown, “Didn’t you?” Emma asked softly.

Understanding passed between them and Emma returned to her former occupation, head tilted up, staring at the approaching dawn.

“I’m going out today for a run. Anything you want me to look out for?” Michonne asked after a while, voice less somber, “Carl has a standing order for comic books.” She offered with a smile.

Emma chuckled, apparently Carl had developed a love for comics, which was surprisingly normal and quite honestly, a breath of fresh air, “How about the world back?” She asked with a sigh and a weak smile.

Michonne’s smile turned sad, “Yeah, I wish.”

They sat down side by side for a long time in comfortable silence until the sunrise illuminated the new day.

* * *

Leaning on one of the prison’s walls, Emma’s deep blue eyes followed Rick’s form.

She had been quick to find most of the slightly hidden corners of the prison. While she found the presence of other people refreshing, she had been alone too long and more often than not, she found she needed to spend sometime alone. It wasn’t something very strange for her, even before, she was an introvert so she needed her alone time.

Sometimes the noise of people as only background was the most soothing sound of all.

Rick was farming, as he often did now. Carl had been with him all morning but had gone back to the prison sometime ago, so he was alone.

Emma sighed as she watched him. The weird mix of joy and pain whenever she laid her eyes on him was becoming familiar. As she had told Hershel she would, she was still waiting for something, and though she didn’t push him openly, inside her own mind she wasn’t waiting so patiently.

Truth be told, and though she’d rather not to admit this out loud, she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Try as she might, and she did, she didn’t trust the safety of this place. She knew that there had been no incidents at the prison for some months, but she still couldn’t turn off completely the side of her that was always alert, always waiting for something to go wrong.

It always did.

And Emma’s biggest fear was that such a thing would happen before she and Rick could resolve this thing between them. One way or another.

While she waited, she sometimes observed him, not only because it soothed her to know he was right there, he was safe, and more than anything, that he was real, but also because it was a way for her to learn about this slightly different Rick. She hadn’t spent much time with him, of course, but not only it was obvious that everyone had changed, but also, after hearing about everything he, Carl and the others had gone through, it was impossible for them to have remained the same. You couldn’t stay the same and survive in this world.

She had learned this lesson as well, and she had changed too.

Still, she was no psychologist, and with all the distance between them, it was complicated to see these differences for herself. So she analyzed what she knew instead.

Once upon a time, she would have been horrified to know that Rick had killed Shane. Or that he had let the situation escalate to that point at all. She would have been appalled at the whole situation with the Randall kid on the Greene farm, or that he had gotten involved on a war with the Governor, and worse than that, that he had exchanged Michonne’s life for peace with the man in the first place, regardless of what had actually happened in the end.

But once upon a time was long gone and the world was all backwards. If before there had been a lot of grays between the black and the white, nowadays it was a sea of gray. Moral codes could only work so far.

Had she had that weight on her shoulders, could she have done any better? The only experience she had had with a group before this one, despite never having been their leader, had not ended very well.

Perhaps Rick was afraid of judgment from her, but who was she to judge him? Everyone did the best they could. Sometimes their best was not enough, sometimes their best was their worst, sometimes their best was absolutely abominable, but it was still their best.

With another sigh, she leaned the side of her head on the wall, arms crossed over her chest, watching Rick straightening up and starting to walk towards the fences. With a growing frown, she saw him stopping before looking around and slipping through the fences. There was a hole there, she had been told, where they could leave if necessary, but what had her straightening up with some alarm was the fact that she remembered that Rick wasn’t wearing his service belt or his gun.

_Why is he going out there if he isn’t armed?_

She knew for a fact that he still had his gun, and the holster that was a twin to hers as well. She had seen it briefly in his and Carl’s room when Rick had taken her there to grab some towels so she could shower, right after she had arrived. She had also noticed he didn’t wear it, which wasn’t so abnormal since they were relatively safe here, but while going outside? He needed to be armed.

She was walking as fast as she could without actually running, keeping her eyes on Rick’s form as he walked away. Without thinking twice, she got out from the same hole in the fence and followed him. She didn’t care how capable he was, or even if he was speaking to her or not, like hell she was going to leave him alone outside without a weapon.

Keeping an eye on his back and on her surroundings, she did her best to tread lightly as she followed him with her gun clutched tightly in front of her with one of her hands while the other was gripping her knife.

Not much time after, and still relatively close to the prison, she finally saw him stop. He was crouched down, fiddling with something on the ground and Emma suddenly remembered about the snares that were set up around the prison, finally figuring out what was Rick doing here in the first place.

She kept her distance, keeping her eyes on him and their surroundings from afar. Maybe she was afraid of his reaction to her presence, fearful of a more direct rejection, or maybe she was afraid of the names she felt like calling him for being so careless, perhaps a bit of both.

So she kept her silent guard as he checked the snares around the prison. He was careful, she could tell, and he had a knife, but she was still dismayed with his negligence of himself.

At some point a walker got too close to her, so she took it down with her knife. The thump of the body hitting the ground got Rick’s attention and he turned quickly towards her, knife at the ready. She didn’t meet his eyes, crouching down and cleaning the knife on the walker’s clothes as she looked around her to see if the sound had alerted any other dead.

When she straightened up and looked towards Rick again, he was putting a dead rabbit inside the bag he was carrying with jerky movements before he turned and walked towards her, expression closed off but anger clear on his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” He asked in a clipped tone as he approached her.

She sent him agitated look, “Watching your back.” She answered with a note of irritation in her voice.

Rick nodded jerkily but she could see the muscles of his jaw twitching, “There’s no need for that.”

She sent him a firm glare and instead of answering, she asked him, voice tight, “Why aren’t you armed?”

He held her gaze for a moment before answering, “I have a knife.”

She sent him a pointed look, urging him to notice the idiocy of his own words “A knife isn’t enough, Rick. You have a gun, use it!”

He shuffled on his feet, looking to his side, inhaling, “I’m fine.” He declared.

Emma was horrified at this but her glare disappeared from her face as she saw movement behind Rick. “Behind you.” She warned.

To Rick’s credit, he moved quickly and with precision. Putting the bag with the rabbits on the ground, he tightened his hold on the knife as he turned and efficiently put an end to the walker. A kick to his legs and a stab to the brain later and it was done.

“Let’s go.” He told her sharply as he gestured towards the prison with his head, and grabbed the bag, turning his back on her again and walking towards the hole on the fence.

She followed him silently, inwardly still fuming. She waited until they were back inside the prison’s fences once again before the leash she was keeping on her anger towards his actions snapped. She wanted to give him space and time, but this disregard towards his own safety scared and angered her in the same measure.

“Are suicidal tendencies a new thing?” She asked through gritted teeth as he closed the hole in the fence.

“It’s not like that.” He said, and though his voice remained clipped towards her, she sensed some frustration.

“Really? Because that’s what it looks like from where I’m standing.”

He said nothing, not even even meeting her eyes. She felt like shaking him. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, she finally spoke, “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you can’t do it for yourself then do it for Carl and Judith.” And more softly she added, “And for me.”

At this he bowed his head, looking at the ground and hiding his expression from her. The gesture felt akin to a slap in the face and her jaw tightened against the emotional pain. She knew following him could come to this, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Without any other word, she turned away from him and walked towards her cellblock.

She was livid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Emma and Michonne look at each other* “Did we just become best friends?”  
> Confused Emma is confused, and Rick has issues, as usual! There will be a ‘Present’ chapter in his POV in the future, so we’ll know what’s up with him and the reasons why he’s being a dumbass.  
> Also, sorry for all the introspective-ness, but I like to analyze some things to death XD That and Emma is still getting her bearings about the whole situation and she doesn't have all the info that we do. I have to lay it out so I can play more directly later. Or something like that. I’m not a 100% sure at the moment, it’s too hot to function right now, forgive me!  
> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! :)


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